Things my mother taught me

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning.'


2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

'You better pray that dirt will come out of the carpet.'



3. My mother taught me about GOD

'You are going to die when your father gets home'



4. My mother taught me about DONATIONS.

'You better give that ball to your little brother'



5. My mother taught me LOGIC.

'Because I said so, that's why.'



6. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going
shopping with me.'



7. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'



8. My mother taught me IRONY.

'Keep crying and I'll give you some more things to cry about.'



9. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

'SHUT your mouth and EAT your supper.'



10. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

'Will you look at that dirt on the BACK of your neck?'



11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

'You'll sit there until all that vegetable is gone.'



12. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

'This room of yours looks as if a typhoon went through it.'



13. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'



14. My mother taught me about LIFE

'You break that glass and you are going to wish that you were never
born'



15. My mother taught me about KARMA

'You break that glass, I break your neck'



16. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'



17. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

'Stop acting like your father!'



18. My mother taught me about ENVY.

'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do.'


19. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

'Just wait until we get home.'



20. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

'You are going to get it when you get home!'



21. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way.'



22. My mother taught me ESP.

'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'



23. My mother taught me HUMOR.

'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'



24. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'



25. My mother taught me GENETICS.

'You're just like your father.'


26. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born a cow?'



27. My mother taught me WISDOM.

'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'



28. My mother taught me about GOVERNMENT

'I am your mother, you better listen to me.'



29. My mother taught me about POLITICS

'You, your brothers, your sisters AND your useless father are all the
same'



And my favorite:

30. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!!


What did your mother teach you??




PS:
Mum - if you are reading this , no you didnt teach me all of them ... But most. I actually got it in an e-mail.