Monday, April 11, 2011

No free lunch

15 years ago a friend bought me a book entitled "Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson as a shower gift when I had my eldest.

Why that book? Looking at hubs and me, she reckoned that we were softies, and felt that we had to "dare to discipline" our kids.

I did read the book,and also tried to do some of the things Dr Dobson recommended on how to take control of our kids.

One lesson that I learnt was that there is no such thing as a free lunch ie, never give the kids anything for nothing. They have to work for their rewards.

Well, that was what I have been trying to do ... but I think that's kind of harsh, not? Sometimes we just want to encourage the children, or even pamper them.

Well, my son has always "demanded" for his rewards whenever he does well in school. You see, soccer trading cards are a BIG thing for him, and I try to discourage him from buying them. At $1.80 a pack, you get 5 cards, and what does he do? He just keeps them in his folder and looks at them. As you know, there are hundreds if not thousands of players in the English Premier league. And to have every players' card? I must be printing money in my backroom. And on top of that, new cards come out every season and some of the players change teams. There is no way you can collect them all - a sheer waste of money I feel!!

Anyway to cut a long story short, he doesnt have many of them, and he wants more. Well, last week, my son was feeling very tired from the many weeks of long days in school. To motivate him, the hubs bought him quite a few packs of those cards (Fathers spoil the market!!!). Naturally, he was immediately energized!!

But that is like giving him a free lunch, not?

So like Dr Dobson said: There is no such thing as a free lunch.

What did I do? I told him that now he owes us the good grades!!
*evil grin* Guess, this rabbit is still trying to be a "tiger mum".


NomadicMom said...

True but sometimes we also want to dote on our kids...

Mayet said...

Making children work for what they want is a really good discipline. It teaches them to value whatever they'll get because they worked hard for it. As for me, the feeling I have when I get something by working hard for it is really sweet and fulfilling. Nothing beats by getting something through hard work but it won't hurt to get things for "free" some time. :)

bp said...

hehe, i also find it tricky and challenging with my own kids, on the one hand we dote on them, while on the other hand we also want them to learn the importance of hard work...

you know what my bigger boy told his teacher... that i'll like to be a tiger mother but i lack the standards for it! aiyoh... looks like i have to RRROARRR!!

Stardust said...

Hmm.. I want to be a balanced mom. I like how Mayet gave her last point. :)

JoMel said...

I have this DESIRE to reward whenever my kids do really well. That's my way of showing them that I appreciate their effort. Of course, some rewards don't have to wait, and there's no specific reasons for them too - an ice cream treat, a trip to the park, new comics and story books.. simple pleasures - kids know how to appreciate them too, I think. :)