Fear

We had another doctor's appointment just this week.

The other professor who takes care of my daughter's medical condition is back after her long leave of absence.

Somehow when I speak to her, I feel more comforted about what my daughter has to go through.

It may be her excellent bedside manners. Or maybe because she is more convincing and thorough in the way she explains things to me. Maybe she just just knows how to get her point across to this emotional woman! Or maybe I was just in a better frame of mind. 

I asked her one question. Not only did she address that question, she went beyond. She answered all the other questions I hadnt asked yet. She also went on to answer some questions that didn't even cross my mind. She even painted different what if situations. She did not tell me the right course of action to take.  She told me to go home and think about it. 

But given what she has told me, it seems like I have no choice but to go with their recommendations.

At the end of the day, deep down I know they are recommending the best course of action. But there is still that fear.  Fear of the down-time every two months.  Fear of the pain she has to go through. Fear of any complications that may arise. Fear of the side effects. Fear of the astronomical medical bills. Fear of the unknown. And of course, fear that I took too long to make this decision.

But what is fear?

It looks like its time for me to face it and pray that she will rise. I have to remind myself that: fear has a large shadow but is actually very small.